Tuesday, June 19, 2018

NOT Forever (I'm Back from the Break!)

"Tomorrow is closer. Today is here."
- Daniel Elijah Stewart

Hey, guys. What is up? I just got back from school that today is officially the establishment of summer break. Whew! I'm all caught up with the side notes and homework was just long, it chewed up my free time a lot like... ever. It was coffee that lowered my overall GPA, and it was the insanity that kept me laughing a lot at. My sister had just graduated from high school and is going to college next year. I cannot wait until she leaves us behind. Man, how will I miss her so much.

And you know what's more worse than that? I am officially graduating a year later than everyone else about the same age as mine since I will leave college with those who already had the gap year before being received bachelor's. I'm no educational fundie! Wah-wah... I'll end up having an associate's degree instead. My educational pace made no sense whatsoever when it comes to higher education itself due to the fact that I have to deal with all of the prerequisites of math and English and that I will not be able to go to another university after graduation. Sorry. My parents said that I will get a job instead, which is a big bummer and I don't wanna work outside the home. I have a self-employed business to run and will officially stick with the plan of my own for as long as it complies with the state law. Meaning I will never be able to have a boss, nor meet up with the co-workers. Instead, it was just me 100%. I am staying local and always will.

But then... it happened when one day, word found out that I was going to EWU @ BC in the year 2020 for children's studies or interdisciplinary studies degree. I was glad I get to be a mother one day I thought to myself since an advisor said I will teach small kids simple math. If I were to take children's studies, that means I will end up becoming a numerical instructor for early elementary and preschool kids of the next generation, which is a different route than what most professional applied mathematicians have gone through the years of training beyond Calculus, Statistics, and Math in Society combined. I am passing down the knowledge of what I knew as a child to the generation after me. I will be some elementary school teacher in a setting separate from what most have suffered after the events of the widespread homo agenda to grade schools. Idealistically, it is gonna be a private school and I will make lots of money from parents paying for the tuition I recommended. Boy, I will be a rich girl!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHA! Moving on...

Searching for internships, I will do it once when I will be at the Alyssa Burnett Life Center until I find one for the application, interviewing, and hopefully acceptance. But the problem? I don't have long-term volunteering periods mom said. I knew I was too busy with my scheduling, though I was more of a hobby person and less dedicated to an entire community. Man, I was selfish about myself first as if it was me time 24/7. Too many videos I watched made me more understandable about my career as a creator rather than just spectating like everyone else. When I went to expositionary class, I was required to feel more constructively clear though I did my best at it. Now that I am fleshing the positive inside me, I was surprised where it headed off to. I should have seen the best of the best, even the most well-known I already saw as a kid. I loved these reasons why I want to make a comic version of my story I made up four years earlier as a 12th grader. I am so proud of what I have accomplished! It is a dream come true, thank you Jesus!!! Surprisingly, I got a text message saying that I will start an internship again on Friday afternoons starting June 8. Wow, time is going fast.

I am leaving to go to Spokane and Walla Walla with family on summer solstice period beginning tomorrow. I was excited to visit places, but first the links if you are interested in going:

I potentially have to make plans to visit Asheville, NC in summer 2019, but life is short. I have more destinations on my list that I cannot describe to you right now since I am super busy with the things I was suggested to get it done like cleaning up the house and setting up my business to finally run. I have to help my mother to make all of her wishes happen during this time of the year and my reading slump just came back to me after reading The Lady in the Attic by Tara Randel. It has been seven whole school years since Facing the Lions and Eragon combined. I was proud of all of my productive mental work I have accomplished a lot, but my fanfic writing? I suck more at it if I keep going further than wanted, and all the excessive details kept getting me exhausted from happening. With expositionary writing, I should have looked back on the handouts for references dedicated to something other than the story itself in general. I cannot wait to read Assassins and other stuff on my to-do list. What else is new? Church picnic, grandma's birthday, camping trip to Baker Lake, summer BBQ, 7/11 slushie event, passing water bottles to community; nothing is entirely new under the sun as so many people do travel a lot and even some migrate to another country for a new life. Those planning to be lifelong permanent missionaries overseas, bon voyage!

It has been three years already since coming out of high school a year and three days late. I was supposed to graduate on time with bachelor's on June 15 (which is last Friday), so I should have gotten a full-time paid job by now. Man, how lazy and slow I am! Ugh... I don't wanna fall victim to the growing flexible crowd who were already reluctant enough to finish school. They got their lives messed up, and I have it all straightened out. Instead of giving a year to God and Jesus after EWU @ BC commencement, I just wanna spend my last year of college on a very successful courtship with the one I will spend the rest of my entire life with IRL to marry afterward. My homemaking skills were below average since I spent my childhood making cookies every half of the week, did a few sewing projects as an adolescent, and in the last five years of my life were spent loom-knitting over a hundred hats in total. Also, I frequently made popcorn, coffee, and sandwiches. I was required to do chores more than I could ever imagine since I was being told that I was gonna be a mother one day. I feel like I should start doing it diligently as best as I can without some unneeded interruption whereas I was preoccupied with the things I am too attached to. I am more responsible now than I did two to three years earlier, so that makes sense that the lessons I learned made me feel stronger. As an adult, I feel confident to be an independent person. This is who I am.

As a final warning, I thought millennials were born on the following dates 9/1/1981-8/31/2000. But no... I really do not know that I was gonna be the top ender of what was the generation more worse than the past one. 1. We all get sucked into the HSM nonsense as kids. 2. We already have the latest technology since 2012. 3. I do NOT remember 9/11 originally because I was ONLY in kindergarten. I didn't learn about the event until SIXTH grade. You know what is called? iGeneration. Geez... I am so jealous of them very much, they do gonna suck 2 years from now. Those born after 1995 are much more likely to experience mental health issues than their millennial predecessors like echo boomers for example. I do have my permanent mental health issue since I was a tot, so my disability has caused cons more than my peers such as social isolation, lack of eye contact, feeling depressed, and brief suicidal attempts. Otherwise, I was a decent person who was one of the first iGen voters to vote for one of the oldest boomers in the world. I was so thankful I have learned lessons from not only the older people, but also from people who were about the last generation than newly mine according to some sociologists. I will rather pay $77 per month on Patreon services to make some of the Gen Y audience feel better about themselves before it is too late since the latest superhero flicks in the past few years since secondary school are all overrated. No, the last graphic novel I read was volume seven of Saga. That's it! End of story. Recently, I saw Guardians of the Galaxy the entire time, but never have I ever saw the sequel before because I was somehow getting caught up with everyone else when it comes to shows and movies. I can't watch Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 2 without having to read the Heroes of Olympus saga full-time.

*sigh* I do not know what to say any further, so yeah... Thanks for reading, and I will see you next time whether I post. Bye!

Wednesday, May 16, 2018

Am I Wrong?

Myth: today's youth group attenders are tomorrow's church leaders.
Reality: today's youth group attenders are tomorrow's unchurched.
Teenagers may be attending church events today, but they have little inclination to do so in the future.

That is very sad... plus chances are a third of gen y were actually "unchurched" as I looked up today's stats on the Internet. Don't you believe it? I have survived attendance in youth group! The last time I was there was playing Mario Kart on Switch in the game truck and then we get to hear the sermon about our identities in Christ. What changed to me was transforming from an ambitious musician to becoming a very virtuous mother one day. I don't think I am counted toward the unchurched future, though it seems bleak in my opinion. I am trying to hold still against the tide of the current before I have to question everything, and attempting to be a church leader for the young adults were very slim. It was very brief when they kept requesting me what to do and it is tiring me out sometimes. I heard speakers being concerned about the timing before in school, church, and online combined. Yes, I am not so great at speaking for an hour length, but I could preach full-steam ahead for as much as I thought it would, timewise it will take me up to a few hours at the maximum point. This makes me feel exhausted, but my brain is not so tired. I have more depth of thought than anyone could imagine and I am mentally throwing up more words being typed on a screen now. That is why I am a good intelligent person who knew better than that. My time will resume on summer solstice period.

Guess what happened after I left the youth group? I do NOT come out of the cult. Instead, I ended up in the main service with the older adults from their mid 30s up to 85ish. The maximum age was specifically 108 previously, and now I'm like what happened? Did it bend itself up? There was a curve going up and down yet to come! From what I experienced so far is they keep reacting to every other part of a sermon whether in shock, laughter, agreement, or praise! It is like a killer slant to my soul!!! Is it serious? C'mon what are you waiting for? Listen first and then you do the job yourselves. That is simple, try it! I do nod sometimes not in public since it is more of a humble reaction than that. Too many bulletin programs pile up one after another, and it is loading up more space at home. I am sick and tired of taking one home with me every week. I know what the events are coming up and I hear them!!! Agh! Those are the things I may not be attending due to schoolwork and whatnot. Sorry! It is not going to happen. I have to do it my own way like think outside the box. I have taken messages for a week and a half now, and yes: this is many times better than sitting around and doing nothing all week while waiting for the next sermon. It is called my warming up period in order to be prepared for Simone's commencement ceremony. I tried looking forward to Holy Week and I was so close to making out of the tunnel. It extended up to no point of reaching the other end and I am doomed now. As soon as I had my plan figured out because the last video of the road to revival wasn't there on the net, I wanted to get out into the field of bliss on time and never have to go back again. I am going to be free from my burden! So long, unwanted tasks! I have eighteen entries of my dark purple devo left to go and continuing God Calling onward on a daily basis for a year. The problem? I have to read Proverbs again for a week. Good news? I made it 16 chapters and 15 more to go. That is what I want to do right now because it is Wednesday, May 16. Five weeks left until we have to start Shepherd of the Hills. I cannot wait for summertime! Oh yeah!

Thursday, May 10, 2018

Update As of 6/26/2017

I now have a new smartphone in my hands. It's official! I can type on the go, so I don't have to wait any longer for an available computer in the usual desktop form. Thanks!!!

Tuesday, May 8, 2018

What Will Become of Them

I heard that some things I have known back in high school have come to a close, and it seems likely that people move on with their lives. I am telling you: they grew up so fast, they just left me behind. I know some people are into superheroes, sci-fi, and fantasy while others are into long-term current issues we have been shoved down our throats the past five decades since the counterculture revolution. Some have families now and others are indifferent but changed maturely from scratch. Stats have changed surprisingly for relevant reasons. From the time I have entered the Internet with real accounts, I was nothing but a late technological bloomer at 17 as a rising high school senior. When I am 22 and as a college student, I had the goodbyes to beloved parts I knew and cherished a few years earlier. The YA trend in movies came to a close with The Death Cure and I know all of the terrible infamousity I had in mind ends shortly afterward. Man! It was a long 12 years and two weeks of a horrible and painful, cringeworthy endurance to survive from start of something new to finally freed. I mean we, the high school class of 2014 went from East Wildcat tweeny preps to junior high Twihards to high school blood cat demons to college dominatrixes. Thank goodness, it is almost my turn now to shine as soon as we get out of college! I have a better story to tell. Something worth more than no actual plotline...

On the end note, there are more adventures to come, and I am so excited for the meetups of my own once when I had enough money to keep my own group maintained from falling. In other meetings, I would join on occasion since time was pretty much hasty for me. With discovering the nations on hold, I could take my time learning more about other countries via travel shows from the public station to get a bit of my writer research for locations. I am becoming more mature than I did from the establishment of this website, and still growing... one day I will visit the Emerald City Comic Con for my own panel. Lots of plans are still going on in my life, and I am trying to have more experiences as often as possible, but my parents won't let me. We will never know when will time tell itself... it depends on my determination.

From what I was trying to recognize is that new beginnings are starting to arise within the new year, and I am starting to realize this. Surrounded by so many losses, we do remember Daniel McCandless (I don't remember his last name properly - but one of the first to be added to the tributes section for the calendar year), Zellie (my dog), Billy Graham, the 17 victims of Douglasmen High including Aaron Fries, and more. That morning on Pi Day, we lost Stephen Hawkings. What I read from one of the blogs I subscribed to, the narrator said that she lost a high school friend and someone else in the month of February. Life changes... things have switched. This is just nothing but a long-term tragic start, and I'm having like 17 days of silence after the last words in the past year (sorry, it is two months and a day late to be honest): "Skye" and "Laura". Those were the names of the girls I newly kept that in mind, and I seriously missed out on creating and slaying resolutions in the month of January alone due to so much capable ignorance. Minor things were added to my life: disciplining myself financially and eating more nuts. What subtracted from my entire daily routine in January was a relationship with an animal in real life. The next morning, I missed The Broke and The Bookish so very much, they were such a good blog to me and I have learned the growing list of books that has to be read. It was too long for me to deal with, so that is why I liked the cover designs and everything. It has been five years since I first visited the website.

Before I go, I just started the year of peace after Easter. Man, it is a slow start all without some state of the union to begin with and there is more busyness of homework to do. Finally, after Good Friday, I officially counted down the days until Simone's graduation once again. Never lose track of time again! How did I do that? I figured out plans from May 6 and onward. I now accomplished 3 note-taking days and I still need 23 left to go besides Hope and Who Needs God Anyway?: the antipenultimate and penultimate messages to MAHA before Simone graduates. I have to make sure to do whatever else I can all throughout the rest of this school year, so... no rush, folks. I will be back after June 18.

Thursday, March 15, 2018

What Am I Really Thinking What I Am Vaguely Thinking About?

Here is something I have revealed I was thinking about when it comes to the very brief igniting moments in mind, but died out as quickly as possible and being stuck of trying to revive the moment to life.


Friday, January 12, 2018

In Memoriam...

R.I.P. Zellie
Beloved pet dog
Forever in our hearts

Monday, December 4, 2017

Am I a competent communicator?

At this special presentation, I am going to talk about the crossover between the textbook itself Interplay: The Process of Interpersonal Communication by Ronald B. Alder with collaboration by Lawrence B. Rosenfeld and Russell F. Proctor II in its thirteenth edition as of 2015 and my life being merged together into one whole entire project. The questions are: what concepts did I learn in this quarter that were the most significant for me, what were my communication strengths, what were the special communication challenges I struggle with, and what will I do to overcome/mitigate those challenges. These are tough to answer in my unique perspective, so with that... let me answer them all real quick first thing.

The Main Body
  1. What concepts did I learn in this quarter that were the most significant for me?
    • One of the concepts I learned in this quarter that were the most significant for me was culture. Previously, in leadership class, we have understood the difference between individualistic and collectivist cultures ("one culture in which people view their primary responsibility as helping themselves and the other culture whose members feel loyalties and obligations to an in-group, such as an extended family, a community, and even a work organization") (Alder et al., 2015 p. 45). Now that I have reviewed it, I was more of a context-neutral person whose religion was somewhat collective. I have belonged to the achievement culture ("a culture that places a high value on the achievement of material success and a focus on the task at hand") (Alder et al., 2015 p. 48) where the American Dream was supposed to be fulfilled in the young adult years and up, yet their "to-do" lists never stop growing; however, in my household and religion, their important agenda was more of a nurturing cult where we were supposed to stop with the busyness and be thankful for everyday (the definition was "a culture that regards the support of relationships as an especially important goal") (Alder et al., 2015 p. 48). When it comes to authority, we have to respect every single high power; on the contrary, people were created equal. Uncertainty avoidance ("the tendency of a culture's members to feel threatened by ambiguous situations, and how much they try to avoid them") (Alder et al., 2015 p. 47) was common sometimes and in other times they were questionable. The co-cultures ("groups within encompassing cultures with a perceived identity") (Alder et al., 2015 p. 39) have influenced us who we truly are as individuals. My identity for instance is this: I am an almost 22-year old Hispanic-Caucasian heterosexual American Washingtonian autistic conservative broke contemporary evangelical Christian journalist whose career was full-time student with the self-employment of making clothes to sell. I grew up with the familiar language known as American English. During my childhood, I had struggled with learning new languages until senior year of high school where I learned ASL in general. Verbally, my second language was unofficial for now until later.
    • The topic before that was the interpersonal process. I am not a perfect communicator, but I had found the transactional communication model (the model of the "dynamic process in which communicators create meaning together via interacting with each other") (Alder et al., 2015 p. 10, 13) attractive because I thought, "Sure I am gonna use it in case it's necessary to have it as a cover of my 'to-say' list." It's like e-mail except we were required to use the face-to-face interaction often because it would increase the chance of satisfaction. (Alder et al., 2015 p. 7) I think I have done it enough with one person for a term, but I might with another in the next one or two. This has caused me to take a break from Internet time and stick to the social gatherings. I have done one coffee talk with an old friend and some group studying with a new friend and/or a familiar acquaintance. The social media aspect was the new norm these days, and it seems people were addicted to it.
  2. What were my communication strengths (at least 3)?
    • My communication strengths are the following: 1. Nonverbal communication was strong when I saw others doing it and it happened ever since then from the beginning and onward. Although I have seen images more than the words, I have reactions sometimes to whatever could go on. I noticed the emoticons since late elementary, and sometimes I found it annoying and distracting when it comes to actual reading. Otherwise, I ended up typing up with "=)" on my old phone. In the new phone, the emoticons were better and it was somehow more limited than the iPhone version in which half of its users had. I was mostly happy, but in my early college years, I did have the mood swings. At the end, at least right now, I am getting really exhausted from all of the hard work well done. 2. Verbal communication (or language) was necessary in "human communication" (Alder et al., 2015 p. 140). I think it made sense when I was reading, but in speech it was okay. When I was listening to people talk, I realized the volume was too soft for my ears. If there weren't more people around, I am trying to understand what they were saying. Topics were at random, and the usual part shows up sometimes for a half hour. That was excerpted from the verbal communication assignment I have experimented with. The naming part reminded me of picking out names I have selected for my original characters from the large name book (and later, "Behind the Name" on the internet). I am good at using the "I" pronoun, but I have to get better at reducing the "we" language in the future. (p. 161 for table) 3. Listening was normal to me right now, for I was proud of my journaling in the past seven and a half years when it comes to taking notes during the lessons and other occasional serious podcasts all of the time, yet I don't pay attention to the speaker. In class, they said you have to really listen and not write anything. In contrast, stats show that "11.4% of the overall communication activities was writing". (Alder et al., 2015 p. 205) I was internally afraid I might lose focus and not get any specific instructions unless I have to ask, "What did you say? Could you please repeat after me?" Sometimes, people were rushed ahead of me and I have to catch up with the notes. The problem between the two was pacing of speech. In task-oriented listening ("a listening style that is primarily concerned with efficiency") (Alder et al., 2015 p. 208) from teachers and instructors, we were supposed to plan on doing assignments on our planners since elementary school as I knew it. I wrote down what I was supposed to do early on, but my mind just reminded itself and it told me what to do in the later times. My challenge of listening was the noise because I was affected by it big time and it was therefore indeed a norm for most if not some people. Growing up, the television was on all the time. Now, other sources have gone activated at the time from the start of day to finish. I don't pay attention to sports radio since it was always my dad's turn and I never got the chance to do my music (which was either 91.3 FM or 98.1 FM (95.7 FM per weekends)). Man, I was bombarded by television advertisements, which went on and on and on forever and ever. I could at least stop it from happening and enjoy myself reading a book. When I was younger, I used to daydream all the time about my own stories. Today, I'm like stuck in the middle of the road, not knowing what next since NaNoWriMo came and went. In terms of listening responses, I was more of a silent listener (the one who "stood attentive and nonverbally responsive without verbal feedback") (Alder et al., 2015 p. 217) ever since I was a kid.
  3. What were the special communication challenges I struggle with (2-3)?
    • The special communication challenges I struggle with and are facing now as of the following: 1. Managing the conflict. I was more of an avoider (a person who ignores conflict) (Alder et al., 2015 p. 372-373) than does a collaborator (the one who wanted the best for everyone) (Alder et al., 2015 p. 377-378) during my growing up years because I want to let everyone else do with their own busyness and I knew I have worked hard constantly. Never have I ever paid attention to the conflicts because they were like one huge issue in my life and no resolution was necessary due to its negativity. Sometimes, it can be positive when it comes to constructive competition during games and contests. Aside that, I have accommodations a lot because everyone's doing it and I certainly don't stand up, for example: Mom told me I'd rather do what she requests rather than having to deal with my own plans. In other words, it was a "lose-win situation". (p. 373-374) 2. I have issues with dynamics of interpersonal relationships. We were so bombarded by the media, everything is nothing but all fluff! In real-life, it is not all sunshine, laugh tracks, shiny colors, lollipops, and rainbows, it's serious, tragic, complex, and bleak. I tried talking to more friends, but it was all but a few at a time and sometimes I forget names of random strangers. I was supposed to come together just to initiate and go "for common ground" (Alder et al., 2015 p. 279) before aiming for close friendships. I have yearned for it, but in an outing someday, I was gonna have two chaperones aged eighteen and older. In the end, when people depart from me especially at the close of every academic year while in high school and college, I never get to see them again unless they were on Facebook. Sometimes, I cross paths with anyone who was familiar with me.
  4. What will I do to overcome/mitigate those challenges?
    • To overcome/mitigate those challenges, I have to work on the collaboration skills so badly, even though I don't seem to fit in with the workforce crowd. I had tried to become assertive and not just silently passive, for I would be open to more types of conflict management.
    • I will come up with a list of questions all searched out from the Internet for a sample to try out during conversations and hopefully will do my best at it.

I was a competent communicator when I have the time for relational gatherings in people, but in this task-oriented society, my resolution was to stop whatever I was doing individually since I know I have read most of the textbook and I could see others interacting inside my mind as if I thought about them. It's not about me unless it was necessary when it comes to assignments and this project that was about to be done. My goal in the long run: I have to always improve relationships in the near and distant future due to the reason that I have to find Mr. Right in a few years to come. All in all, that sums up the merge between the textbook about interpersonal communications and my entire life.
Works Cited
Alder, Ronald B. et al. Interplay: The Process of Interpersonal Communication. New York City: Oxford University Press, 2015. Print. 13th Edition.